We Love Katherine Jenkins: The All-New Amazing Warbling Kath Doll

We Love Katherine Jenkins: The All-New Amazing Warbling Kath Doll

The All-New Amazing Warbling Kath Doll

The perfect Christmas present for the Kath fan who has everything!

Yes, WLKJ is proud to exclusively reveal the new limited edition Amazing Warbling Kath Doll!

Our Kath is the picture of understated elegance in this black PVC minidress, an exact replica of the beautiful outfit she wore to perform at the Royal British Legion Festival of Remembrance, complete with hundreds of Swarovsky crystals sparkling down her arm

Only 5000 of these special limited edition dolls have been made - and they will go on sale in Harrods on 1 November 2009 at the special bargain price of £179.99

I for one will be rushing out to buy one of these incredible objets d'art to keep as a family heirloom and pass down to my grandchildren

Unlike Miss Jenkins, the doll is made of plastic and cannot sing.

Kathmania grips Britain!!!

Monday 26th October 2009 - the day we have all been waiting for!

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At branches of HMV and other CD shops all around the country the situation is the same, as thousands of adoring Kath fans queue up to ensure they are first in line to buy Kath's fabulous new album Unbelievable when it goes on sale at one minute past midnight

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Her 7th album shows Kath's musical career taking off in a dramatic new direction - as our Welsh angel sets to take the pop world by storm and push ancient old has-beens like Madonna and Kylie off their pedestals. Let's face it, we all know that Madonna and Kylie can't really sing anyway and they only got famous because they're pretty and have good figures. Besides, neither of them is a natural blonde like Our Kath!

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La Jenkins has already successfully conquered the opera world and proved that she is a much better Carmen than Maria Callas ever was, but now she is taking a break from singing Tosca and Rosina in order to concentrate on her pop career for a while. However, many opera fans are deeply distressed by this news and some feel that Kath is "selling out" by abandoning the sublime music of Rossini and Mozart in favour of cheesy cover versions of Queen songs and TV theme tunes.

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This is what some of them were telling us:

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"I feel so disappointed that Kath is wasting her God-given talent on this fourth rate rubbish. Any idiot can sing the theme tune to Holby City translated into French but how many mezzo-sopranos can sing Carmen like she can? Not many, I can tell you!"

(Donna from Tooting Bec)

"Katherine is without a doubt the finest operatic mezzo in the world. She is crazy to turn down all these offers to sing at La Scala, the Met and Covent Garden in favour of the fickle and superficial world of pop music. If she's not careful it will be too late and all the best roles will get snapped up by the likes of Joyce DiDonato and Elina Garanca, who are mere amateurs compared to Katherine"

(Jeff from Sydenham)

"I am devastated. I was really hoping her new album would include rare Rossini and Handel arias and a couple of duets with Juan Diego Florez, but instead we get an album of pure drivel. She should be singing 'La bohème' - not 'Bohemian Rhapsody'"

(Joanna from Southampton)

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WLKJ is more philosophical about the matter. Yes, we agree it is *truly* tragic that we won't get to hear Our Kath singing opposite Placido Domingo in Tamerlano next March but surely the opera fans must understand that her version of the love theme from The Godfather (Non canta più, per l'amore di Dio) is just as important because it will help bring classical music to the masses?

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And while some nasty jealous critics may sneer, we honestly think Kath brings a whole new refreshing angle to the Nirvana classic Smells Like Teen Spirit and are certain Kurt Cobain would have felt honoured to sing alongside her, if he hadn't been dead. We were less sure about her rendition of the theme tune from Peter Andre & Jordan : The Next Chapter and feel uncomfortable that a devout Christian role model like Our Kath has any connection with such a horrid low-class slapper as Jordan, who is always appearing in public with her huge fake boobs falling out of obscenely tight dresses. However, Kath does sing it beautifully and translating the song into Italian gives the questionable subject matter a sophisticated and intellectual feel.

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Rush out now and buy your copy, before it gets sold out! We need to make sure that Unbelievable takes its rightful place in the Christmas No.1 spot and isn't beaten into second place by any dead American or Irish pop stars who are playing the sympathy card to sell more CDs.

Covent Garden's crap new Carmen

Apparently Britain is in the middle of an economic crisis, which the experts call a "recession".

This means that everyone has less money, things cost more and lots of people get made unemployed every week - this is obviously a really BAD thing. Well, I don't usually pay much attention to boring stuff that's happening on the news but this week it suddenly dawned on me just how serious this "recession" thing is: the Royal Opera House put on a production of Puccini's "Carmen" but they couldn't afford to hire Katherine Jenkins to sing the lead role!

I'm sure if they'd asked Our Kath nicely she would have agreed to give them a discount on her normal fee (which all gets donated to charity, by the way, because she's such a kind and generous person) but unfortunately that didn’t occur to them at Covent Garden and so they trawled around and dug up some Russian mezzo-soprano called Elina Garanca to sing the part instead. OK, this Garanca woman is pretty and has blonde hair - but otherwise she has none of the special qualities required to sing Carmen. She can't even do that special wobble thing with her voice that Our Kath does, and she doesn't even sing with a microphone! You can tell that this Garanca is not a proper opera singer because you could hear all the words she was singing……..everyone knows that you're supposed to concentrate on making a beautiful sound and that the words don't really matter at all. Besides, the whole thing was sung in Spanish so nobody would have understood it anyway!

I went along last night, to see what this Kath-wannabe was like, and I was really shocked that she played Carmen like some kind of prostitute! It was so cheap and tacky - she kept pulling her skirt up and flashing her thighs at all the men, and at one point you could even see her knickers. She was wearing a really tarty outfit that had most of her bosom on display and left nothing to the imagination. With hindsight I am glad that a respectable church-going girl like Our Kath had nothing to do with this smutty show. What was the director thinking?

As a feminist, it makes me so angry to see Carmen portrayed as a tart who just uses men and then dumps them. She's actually a highly complex character - essentially a sweet and innocent girl from the country who dreams of marrying her soldier boyfriend Don Giovanni, having a couple of kids and living happily ever after in a nice little apartment in Alicante. But poor Carmen doesn't realise her boyfriend is jealous, violent and only interested in sex, which is all the more tragic considering her love for him is of the purest and most romantic kind. Our Kath was born to play this role!

The tenor singing Don Giovanni was some Spanish bloke called Roberto Alagna, who looked very handsome in his white flouncy shirt and sang quite nicely too. Obviously he's no Bocelli or Watson, but I imagine Covent Garden couldn't afford to pay the salary of a really really famous tenor - which is a real shame. So my advice is - don't bother with this crap, save your money and just stay at home and watch Our Kath sing Carmen properly on the Live From Llangollen DVD.

Katherine Jenkins - the one true Prom Queen!

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The Last Night of the Proms is one of the greatest musical institutions of our noble country, so it is only right and fitting that the greatest mezzo-soprano in the world should sing at this concert - the one and only Katherine Jenkins!

We realise that not all Kath fans are clear on the difference between The Proms in the Royal Albert Hall and The Proms in The Park - and indeed, it can be a bit confusing because the names are quite similar......so let's just quickly explain it for you.

THE PROMS IN THE PARK - this is the main event, the greatest and most prestigious concert of all - starring the top musicians from all around the world and watched by a massive crowd of approximately 50,000 people. Our Kath sang in it last night but previous years' concerts have featured such immortal operatic legends as Russell Watson, Hayley Westenraa, Paul Potts and Lesley Garrett. Tickets are almost impossible to come by - at present there is a 9 year waiting list and a £500 fee to be paid, after which the lucky few will be entered into a ballot with a chance to become Associate Members of the festival, with priority booking for tickets and their name in very small print in the programme. Tickets for this concert were selling for £3000 each on eBay the last time we looked and some people even start camping outside the box office up to 10 days in advance to get a small number of "day tickets"

THE PROMS IN THE ROYAL ALBERT HALL - a bit like the "poor relation" - a sort of consolation-prize concert for those people not lucky enough to get tickets for Proms in the Park. Obviously you don't get the same calibre of artists appearing and the music is a bit more boring and highbrow, but it's better than nothing. Much more small-scale too, obviously - you only get a couple of hundred people inside the auditorium. But you can always watch the really decent concert on the telly afterwards.

Our Kath looked absolutely stunning in a beautiful black lampshade-style evening frock with matching black lowlights in her hair. She sang the Classic FM favourite "Una voce terribile poco fa" from Mozart's The Barber of Figaro and even did some acting too - holding up her finger and striking an amusing pose every time she came to the end of a phrase. She sang a slightly different version of this aria which had a few less notes than usual and also a rarely-heard alternative ending; with a short dramatic pause at the moment where a top B is sometimes heard. But what technical artistry - Maria Callas would be turning in her grave with jealousy!

Over at the other place down the road (The Royal Albert Hall) things were decidedly less exciting. They also had a mezzo-soprano singing a couple of solos......some lady I'd never heard of before called Sarah Connolly. Obviously she wasn't quite in the same league as Our Kath so it wouldn't really be fair to make comparisons, but suffice to say I found it very suspicious indeed that someone who is allegedly a mezzo-soprano didn't sing a single aria from Carmen. Mind you, considering Our Kath now owns the role and has released the definitive recordings of the Habanera, the gypsy dance and the one about the pub in Seville then it's totally understandable that no other mezzo would dare sing it. For some reason Miss Connolly was dressed as Napoleon or some kind of French sea captain - so I was very disappointed that she didn't sing a song connected to the sea, like the theme tune from Titanic.

All in all it was a magnificent triumph for our beloved Katherine and we feel truly proud!

Pathetic attention-seeking publicity-stunt

We were shocked yesterday when our usual copy of the London Paper was delivered soggy and crumpled to WLKJ Towers. We simply couldn't believe the sheer cheek of it.

In amongst the serious news about Dear Dead Michael Jackson The King of Pop and that slapper Peaches Geldof, was a story about Leading Lady, Diva, Blonde Mezzo-Soprano.

Of course, our hearts beat faster with excitement, nice to see, at last, the quality press discussing our Kath respectfully. Made such a change from the nasty bitter tone adopted of late by the Daily Fail and their jealous washed-up hags of so-called journalists.

And then our hearts were broken. Can you seriously believe that it was about some frumpy so-called opera singer called Joyce DiDonato (what sort of stupid foreign name is that for a mezzo-soprano)?

She had obviously heard about the launch of Kath's mega sell-out arena tour in 2010, and was furious that Our Kath was invited to ligg it at Wimbledon. I have to admit I didn't know what 'ligg it' meant, but my friend explained that Katherine Jenkins is always ligging it, so I know it's a good thing.

Motivated only by spite and jealousy of Our Kath, this Joyce woman went and broke her leg. How pathetic is that? She is obviously frumpy, she has a face like a horse, she's obviously not a natural blonde like our Kath and she's flat-chested. And, needless to say, being an opera singer, she is aloof and histrionic.

I can't say I have ever heard of her before, so I did some searching round the internet. I was horrified that she is so in awe of Katherine Jenkins she has imitated so much of what Our Kath has done. I was stunned to find a YouTube of her singing Kath's signature song, Una voce poca fa



Of course, she sings it nothing like Our Kath. She obviously doesn't have a clue that you're supposed to wiggle your finger when you sing 'Ma'. I think maybe she should get some lessons on how to sing it - Our Kath sings it a lot slower than that, I can assure you! I don't know why she can't stand still rather than all that running about, and as for that frock!

Dear God, where have you dug that up from - some costume shop or something, or did you get a friend to run it up at home? It looks so dated!

I looked further round the internet, and realised this Joyce woman has even got a blog. She might as well call it We Love Joyce Thingummywhatsit because it's so obviously ripped off from, well, you know where. I looked through and it's just full of sycophantic comments from deluded fans, most of whom have probably never heard Katherine Jenkins sing live.

And then! Horrore! Not enough that she copies Kath's song, and apes Kath's blog, she's even stolen Kath's leading man. It was two years ago that Kath discovered Juan Diego Florez and had her photo taken with him. And look who's now done the same?

It's actually quite scary how similar the poses are, except that Our Kath is in a stylish horse-drawn carriage and Joyce Saddo is in a wheelchair. If that pink corsage is an attempt to look glamorous, that is one big FAIL.

Obviously, I don't wish ill on anyone, especially not someone with a broken leg, but I really think this is a publicity stunt too far. Joyce dear, I doubt Katherine Jenkins even knows who you are. She lets her music speak for itself.

Cardiff Singer of the World

For the past week then WLKJ has been inundated with furious e-mails from irate Kath fans demanding to know why Kath of the Valleys was not up there representing Wales in this prestigious international singing competition.

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Here are a few of the messages we received:

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"What a disgrace! How could the BBC have snubbed Katherine in such a shocking manner? The whole show was filmed in Cardiff for an entire week and never once did they interview Katherine or ask her to sing. Instead they had some so-called opera expert with really messy hair and frumpy clothes talking a load of snobby nonsense." (Bronwen from Swansea)

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"Everybody knows that Katherine Jenkins is the greatest opera singer in the world - so what was the point of this whole silly competition? It was just like The X-Factor but without Simon Cowell - a complete waste of time and license-payers money" (Daffydd from Aberystwith)

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"None of the female singers were as beautiful or slim as Katherine and most of them chose really unfashionable frocks. They have a VERY long way to go before they will be as glamorous and successful as our Welsh angel. And I'm sure one of the three girls in the final was actually a man in disguise" (Myfanwy from Bargoed)

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"What a bunch of amateurs - they weren't even using microphones! And what a boring choice of songs. No hymns, no Welsh folk songs, no crossover classics..... although I did quite like that catchy one from The Barber of Figaro that they sung every night. But why did none of them do Time to Say Goodbye or the theme tune from Titanic? I suppose their voices just weren't up to it" (Ioan from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch)

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WLKJ would like to explain that the competition is for young wannabe opera singers who haven't yet made it into the Classic FM's Hall of Fame or released best-selling crossover albums. The reason that Our Kath wasn't there was because quite simply she's too good. She's in a completely different league to these operatic novices.

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Besides, our Kath is so generous and sweet-natured that she wouldn't want to steal the limelight and deprive these young hopefuls of their 15 minutes of fame. We all know that if Kath were to sing at the competition she would wipe the floor with all of them with her superior technique, perfect Italian diction and flawless breath control. But that would hardly be fair, would it? These young singers are trying so hard and it would be downright cruel to embarrass them by making them appear alongside an established operatic legend like La Jenkins.

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So please everyone, enough with the angry comments and try to remember that Kath doesn't need a crappy cut-glass vase thing to prove that she's the greatest opera singer in the world.